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struggle – Becky Heart
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struggle Tag

The Prayer

When I was a little girl, I said a prayer. I asked earnestly to never forget what it feels like to be a kid. I don’t know exactly what my thought process was at the time. (I was quite young.) But there was something I saw in the grown-ups around me that I KNEW I didn’t want for myself. I remember knowing that it was VERY important to me. It is interesting to me that I was thinking that way at such an early age, but I’ve always remembered that one prayer. For the most part I believe the prayer was granted, because I seem to suck at “adulting”. No really. I identify so much easier and more quickly with children than I ever have with...

Surrender 101

My toilet was clogged for FOUR DAYS. This was a bit of a crisis for me, since I have only one toilet in my now little place. I won’t share the details of how, or who, “helped” the toilet to become obstructed. The main and most valuable point to this story is that the toilet would not fully and successfully flush. For four days!!! During the time that this was going on, I did not have a full awareness that the experience was happening FOR me, as some profound life lesson. I mean, I realized that in some twisted, smelly, disgusting way there perhaps was an analogy for me to explore...

It’s Okay To Go Slowww…

I went hiking for the first time in about a month. It was glorious! Being on the trail is like air to me. Too long away from it and I feel like I'm suffocating. As I began climbing the mountain, I felt a difference in my body. I set out to meet the trail in the same way I do when I'm taking it 3-4 days a week. Of course, the body said NO to that. I realized that I may have to slow down, maybe stop a few times to catch my breath or allow the body small intermissions. Well, I still killed it and had a great hike...

Alone.

I stood alone on the beach watching the sunset. It was magnificent. Did I mention I was alone? I began to contemplate lonliness. I’ve felt severe lonliness before. I’ve been depressed. I’m sad almost daily, at least for a moment. Standing there on the beach I asked myself, “Am I lonely, or sad? What is this feeling?” It was different. It felt important somehow. I’ve been drawn to solitude a lot lately. I meditate. I pray. I ask for guidance and say thank yous for lists of things. I jot down ideas, and write things. Most times they are left “unfinished”. I forget to eat. I let people in and I go out, but then I go back to my little cocoon and sit still in the...

Crying: How It Sucks and Why I Highly Recommend It

I’ve stopped wearing mascara on my lower lashes. It’s become a necessity since I started crying. All. The. Time. Seriously though, there are days when I have put on makeup and DURING application, tears would come. I would clean up my face and continue to apply makeup only to walk out of the bathroom and begin crying again. The struggle is real, as they say. The reaction of most people when they hear I’ve been crying is “Oh my goodness. Are you okay?” or “What is wrong?” or some other words of concern. I SO SO SO appreciate these gestures of compassion and love. Some days they are like air to me as I’m gasping for breath. If you are one of these people, THANK YOU for seeing...