How To Make Your New Year Resolutions Stick ;)
I was talking with a friend the other day when he made a comment about going to the gym that evening.
“Oh Geez! The gym is going to be PACKED tonight!” he said with a look of disgust on his face.
His anticipation was of the droves of people who show up at the gym on the first day of the year (every year) to get going on their New Year Resolution of exercising more, losing weight, getting fit…you name it. We’ve all heard it, done it, seen it. The conversation ended with a joke about how he only needs to wait a couple of weeks. By then the crowd at the gym should thin out and things will return to “normal”.
WHY IS IT THAT NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS DON’T WORK?
(They are kind of a joke, aren’t they?)
Well, my first beef about resolutions is that people make them because they think they are “supposed to”. It seems the thing to do near the end of each year to resolve oneself to starting the next year off “right”, setting things in order, getting those things done (or started) that we’ve been meaning to do all these (other) years. When we tell ourselves that we MUST do something, we are already shooting ourselves in the foot. We are guilting, shaming or otherwise bullying ourselves into a challenge that we may or may not be ready to undertake.
“But Becky,” you say, “When a new year begins, I feel like I get a fresh start. I have a clean slate.”
Yes, of course. It is a time when we tend to take inventory of where we have been, what we see as successes and disappointments in the past year and where we’d like to improve upon our latest experience. This is good stuff. I highly recommend this practice. However, it isn’t necessary to limit this activity to once per year. I like the idea of quarterly, monthly or even weekly check-ins with yourself. Ongoing. Throughout the year. Every year. Decide when you are ready to implement a positive change in your life. Then set a reminder on your phone or computer to ask you each (week, month, quarter) how you are doing with that intention. This sets up a bit of accountability to yourself and your goals. Start this in April, September or June. January works, too.
Another problem with resolution setting is that people set these MONSTROUS goals for themselves. A person goes from never exercising to resolving to running 5 days a week for an hour. Real change simply doesn’t work that way. Those types of plans are doomed to fail. If you have a lofty goal to reach, give yourself the whole year to accomplish it. See yourself exactly one year from today (whatever day of the year it is) and where you want to be. Then work backwards through the next year and ask yourself what the previous step was that you took. What step did you take just before that? And just before that? And before that one? Break down the BIG goal into smaller, bite-size chunks so that you can see progress along the way and reward yourself for it. When you have a plan charted out, take the first smallest step in the direction you want to go. You are on your way!
It is also helpful to be SPECIFIC when setting resolutions. Saying that you want to get healthy isn’t as helpful as a commitment to stop eating fast food and soda for 30 days. Telling yourself that you want to start exercising isn’t measurable, but planning to attend yoga on Monday and Wednesday evenings after work, or meeting a friend for a hike on Tuesdays and Saturdays are ways to keep track of your progress.
It is important to reward yourself for small achievements along the way. Creating lasting change takes some fighting and fussing for sure the first few days. But when you go a whole week without fast food after relying on it as a food source for decades, YOU NEED TO CELEBRATE THAT!!! And you don’t celebrate by eating the fast food! 😉
Do something for yourself that helps to affirm your long term goal. If improving your health is the goal, treat yourself to a bodywork session, or take a class on how to cook delicious meals with more vegetables. A reward can be simple, too. Paint your nails bright red and go barefoot through the park and smell the air. Take an extra long bubble bath with your favorite music and candles while the kids and spouse go to the movies. The fun part is that you get to decide what your rewards will be. Schedule them for yourself so that each day, week, month, quarter, you know what is waiting for you when you get there.
One trend that has caught on in the past few years is choosing a word or phrase for the year. I have a lot of friends and clients who do this and it can be very powerful. You “hold” this word (or words) or phrase in your consciousness like a mantra and carry it with you all year. The intention that is created around your word or phrase affects how you experience everything during that 12-month period. Needless to say, you can do this any time of the year as well, for any length of time. I really like this practice.
Lastly, a word about failing. Statistical surveys tell us that 40-45% of Americans make New Year Resolutions and that about 8% keep them all year. (Sorry I don’t have the statistic for other parts of the world.) So if you make a resolution and you don’t follow through, you are in really good company. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Sit with the goal you made and ask yourself if it’s really something you are prepared to work on. If not, let it go. If so, get clear, chunk it down and formulate a plan that you can work mindfully, one step at a time.
