Surrender 101
My toilet was clogged for FOUR DAYS. This was a bit of a crisis for me, since I have only one toilet in my now little place. I won’t share the details of how, or who, “helped” the toilet to become obstructed. The main and most valuable point to this story is that the toilet would not fully and successfully flush. For four days!!!
During the time that this was going on, I did not have a full awareness that the experience was happening FOR me, as some profound life lesson. I mean, I realized that in some twisted, smelly, disgusting way there perhaps was an analogy for me to explore…IF I was willing to look for it. Umm, yeah… I wasn’t.
I was frustrated and annoyed that I had this crappy situation to “manage” on a day to day basis, when I had other, more important work to attend to.
A large part of my irritation came from my resistance to calling my landlord to report the problem. I rent, so one would naturally think, “Just call and let him handle it.” Not me. You see, I don’t like the plumber that my landlord employs. He’s been out a couple of times for other things, and I found him to be unpleasant at least and a raging jerk at the fullest. The short story is that I did not want that guy in my house. I confess that I am also a bit hard-nosed and enjoy the sense of victory and satisfaction I gain from repairing something on my own.
So each morning I awoke with the challenge before me. Where will I empty my bladder? How will I get the toilet working properly again? And every day I decided “This is the day that I will fix it!” Those four days felt like an eternity!
On that 4th day, I was over it! I took myself down to the store and against all that I believe in, I purchased a chemical product made for the purpose of unclogging toilets. (I know. Judge me. I’m not proud of it. I was desperate. It wasn’t pretty.) I used it. I allowed it to sit longer than the instructions read. I waited. Then I flushed as directed. It didn’t clear.
Later as I stood hunched over with a plunger in my hand, and obscenities on my breath, I heard myself say “Fine! I’ll call the f@$%ing landlord!”
I GAVE UP in that moment.
I relinquished ALL control over the clogged toilet debacle.
I shit you not (pardon the pun), within seconds of me surrendering to the situation with every ounce of my being, the toilet flushed. It spontaneously and graciously swirled the water down and shared the gratifying “sploosh” sound I had been longing to hear.
It was as though I had been clobbered with a brick. The universe slapped me in the face with this message: SURRENDER.
I wondered to myself if that’s really what finally made it work. What if I’d released control that FIRST day, and followed rental protocol? What might I have been able to do with all that time and energy I used to fight against it? I suppose I’ll never know.
However I got the message loud and clear! Being stubborn and needing things to be managed a certain way, and by ME, does not serve my highest good. Wanting to be in control of every little thing that shows up for us, robs us of energy we could be using to build a dream, start a hobby, or spend more time with loved ones.
The funny (or not so funny) part is that I thought I was taking care of myself. I thought I was sparing myself from having to deal with the plumber dude. I believed that I should be able to handle it alone. I also expected it to be easier. I was fooling myself on all counts.
What I really did with those four days is distract myself from those things that light me up, bring me joy, move me forward, and help me grow. I spent a lot of time feeling angry and inconvenienced, which is NOT the energy I want to live in. The truth is that I inconvenienced MYSELF by insisting that I solve someone else’s problem MY WAY. I took myself out of my own game.
Now I am officially enrolled in Surrender 101: How to release control of the minutia so you can get on with a life that matters. My ego had previously told me that I was good at this. HA HA HA!!! I’m scratching and crawling my way through this course, and daily doing my best to show up on time to get a seat at the front of the class. Testing is ongoing.
What I can share so far is that there is freedom in letting go. Releasing attachment to a specific outcome is scary, but also liberating. It’s not our job to control everything. One of my favorite Byron Katie quotes is this, “Who needs God when we have you?” What she refers to is our nature of thinking that if we don’t handle it, the world will fall apart. Or worse! When the reality is that we are standing in the way of our own emancipation.
Can you relate? What are you unwilling to relinquish control over? What would it feel like if you did? Try it. You can always go back. But I bet you won’t.
