Reflections On Mothering A Daughter ~ A Mothers Day Post
The following is a poem I wrote on Mothers Day. I feel it needs explanation due to the feedback I received after sharing it on social media. It is NOT my current experience of life or my relationship with my daughter. It IS however from my own life learnings, and things I have observed over the course of time, in myself and in our connection as mother and daughter.
I was reflecting on how we teach our children, especially girls, by way of modeling. The “do as I say, not as I do” philosophy never works. If we as women diminish ourselves, shrink in the face of adversity, use hateful language to describe ourselves, and fail to care for our needs and our dreams, our daughters will fall in pace with us. I recognize the ways in which I indirectly taught my brilliant, beautiful, talented daughter to give away her power, and to find her own value in the reflection of a man. I cannot take that back, but I CAN DO MY OWN WORK and show her a better example of how to live and love herself. This is my intention, and a calling for all women to stop the cycle of handing down insecurity, dependency, self-hatred, self-blame, helplessness, and shame to the young women and girls that we are meant to be raising UP.
Be mindful. Do your own work. Change your mind. Admit when you’ve made a mistake. Learn together.
And LOVE EACH OTHER.
Thank you.
Reflections On Mothering A Daughter
(May we be more conscious of how we raise girls…)
If she’s anything like me, she will give her heart away too easily, to those who don’t appreciate it.
If she’s anything like me, she will believe what she’s taught about how hard life is, and her own limitations.
If she’s anything like me, she will learn not to expect too much of life.
If she’s anything like me, she will “mind her place” and keep her mouth shut.
If she’s anything like me, she will have big dreams but will let them go to be more realistic and practical.
If she’s anything like me, she will allow others (mostly the male population) to determine her worth and self image.
If she’s anything like me, she will look to the dysfunction in her parents’ relationship and decide that it’s as good as it gets.
If she’s anything like me, she will sell herself out in order to “fit in”, or to gain the approval of others.
If she’s anything like me, she will settle, over and over and over.
If she’s anything like me, she will be harder on herself, and meaner to herself than anyone else could ever be.
If she’s anything like me, she will slowly forget who she came here to be, and fade her light to not draw attention to herself.
If she’s anything like me, she will put everyone else’s desires, needs, and plans first, and minimize her own.
If she’s anything like me, she will spend decades thinking she’s not good enough to even start, or to do anything worth while.
If she’s anything like me, she will suffer depression for years alone, but not want to burden anyone with it.
If she’s anything like me, she will blame herself whenever anything goes wrong.
If she’s anything like me, she will tolerate unhappiness, because she sees a lot of other people doing that, and she knows she’s no better than they are.
If she’s anything like me, she’ll be almost halfway through her life before she wakes up and realizes that she still has big dreams…
I pray she won’t be anything like me.
~Becky Heart
