Lunch: Just Food? Or An Act of Profound Self Love?
I had the most wonderful lunch! I took myself to my favorite Thai restaurant. I ordered things from the menu that I’d never tried before. (I have certain go-to dishes ordinarily) I enjoyed soup and even dessert. I sipped jasmine tea and finished the whole pot. It’s like it was my birthday or some other special occasion. Only it wasn’t.
No, this date with myself, as magical as it sounds, was what most would call a “Hail Mary”. Forgive me for sounding melodramatic, but this was a life or death situation.
A literal Lunch To Save My Life.
“Pre-Lunch” my whole body was buzzing with agitation. My pores have been seeping anger and frustration and I’ve only been about 2 steps ahead of the men in the little white coats, if you get my drift. (Does anyone say that anymore…?) In fact, I had an extremely fond idea the other day about checking myself into the local “house on the hill”. I mean even Byron Katie did that. So certainly I could give it a try! From the place where I stood, it sounded like a restful, fabulous vacation…
I haven’t completely ruled it out.
I wrote last time about my incessant crying. Well there’s been less crying lately and LIFE has graciously filled in the void with all sorts of new things! Like toilets overflowing, ants invading our house, someone kicking a dent in my car, outlets and switches progressively going out in our house, a dryer that still isn’t drying properly (after 2 days of me working on fixing it myself and one GRAND trip to the laundromat), someone duplicating my debit card, spiders showing up EVERYWHERE and kids that need shoes, driving lessons, cars and college tuition. Damnit!! I’m just trying to figure out how to get a good night’s sleep and still make money being an Uber driver! (I’m failing miserably at that by the way…) Aaaaaanndd there’s this little thing about building and running a Yoga Coaching and Hike Coaching business. Whaaaaaat?
Now I’m a fairly adaptable person. I can go with the flow, look on the bright side, make the best of any situation and all that. But lately at times, I’m just FRICKEN PISSED!!! Pissed at circumstances that seem beyond my control, Pissed at myself for being pissed at circumstances, Pissed at LIFE for all that it’s been throwing at me and Really Pissed when I don’t see a solution right away when I want one!
In the interest of full disclosure I must now confess that I have also been receiving ever so more subtle messages from several different sources… that I should rest more and practice some self care, dare I say self love. My initial response to this wisdom is usually “But of course. That sounds perfect. Right after I…” Uh-huh. Funny…I don’t always get around to it.
And sometimes I do.
Like Today!!!
I caught myself mentally spiraling into a place of self pity and lack. Instead of laying down and wallowing around in that, I chose to do something that would FEEL like love and nurturing. Well, I LOVE food. There is something innately nurturing about the act of feeding oneself or another. In my most difficult moments, I long “to be fed”. I feel drained by the struggle of keeping myself away from the “house on the hill”, therefore the energy isn’t there to go plan and prepare nutritious meals for myself. Some days I live on tortilla chips and maybe some dried fruit (if we have any in the house). But let’s be honest, it’s normally tortilla chips alone. At those times, I will say out loud, “I just want someone else to come and feed me really good food.” Then I sit there.
This day, I took myself TO the food, but other beautiful, creative, talented human beings prepared it and served it to me. It was a VERY GOOD THING.
And you know what? That simple decision to feed myself, done in a mindful way with self love and a generosity that I’d extend to any loved one, changed EVERYTHING!
The smelly clothes sitting in the dryer, the ants, the bills on the desk and my childrens’ needs were all still waiting for me after lunch was done. Yet I was able to meet them all from a fresh, well-fed and cared-for perspective of myself and my place in the whole of it.
What does a “Date With YOURself” look like? When you are stressed about life and feel yourself spinning out of control, what is the ONE thing you can give to your body, to yourself, that would bring you back to peace? I imagine your answer is also related to self care, SELF LOVE. Stop depriving yourself of that. Do one thing. Take one step toward it. It might make all the difference in the world <3
